Angels and Demons
by Zsazsa1
Summary: Regrets. Missed chances. Late confessions.
1. Default Chapter

Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Wednesday  
  
Shutting the door behind him, Sydney stormed into his living room. He didn't remember when when he was so angry the last time. Hell, he knew Parker 'wasn't an easy case' but he didn't think she could be so foolishy stubborn. And he had to admit, he underestimated her because he didn't think she could upset him so much. On his way home, he couldn't stop the scenes of their argument play over and over again in his mind. In fact it was a pretty ugly quarrel, ending up with shoutings and frustrated outbrusts -mostly from the young woman but he raised his voice himself.  
  
"Who are you to tell me what to think?" He remembered her asking, frustrated.  
  
"Parker, I don' t tell you what to think! I'm just saying *my* opinion!"  
  
"But I don't give a damn about your opinion, Sydney! I'm not buying your smart shrink-bubble any more! I should never have! You're like them! You don't do anything else than manipulating me! In one minute you are deaf and dumb and then you're the wise to warn me not to make a fool of myself but the fact is, that you're doing that because you too have some dirt to wipe under the rug!"  
  
That was the point when his rage broke free and things got odd. He shook his head, finally trying to calm down. It was 21.04 pm and he was finally at home. Sitting down on the couch, he tried to think of something else. It was only the middle of the week and they had a long week ahead. He decided to relax and clear his head. He intended to forget about the Centre until he had to go to work again. Forget about them, about the clash and forget about Parker.  
  
He stood up and went into the bathroom. Half an hour later he was ready to go to sleep, ready to have a rest after that both physically and mentally exhausting day. Finally laying down in his bed, he tug himself in with the covers. Turning the lights off, he closed his eyes to relax but sleep didn't come. He raised his head to glance outside the window. He used to leave the window open during summer and although it was mid-september, he didn't draw the curtains. He was still angry and couldn't fall asleep. He was a psychiatrist and knew how to control himself but this time he couldn't remain calm. The problem must have been that several things really hit him, he mused, even if he wanted to admit or not. However it took him one and a half hour, the old man finally found sleep.  
  
Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Thursday morning  
  
Sydney awoke with a start and sat up to turn off the alarm. He was so deep in his dreams that it took him almost two minutes to hear the loud whistling. 6.46 am. It was early but he knew he couldn't be late that morning because. he remembered their argument and knew that it was going to be a hard day. Not only would Parker be angry if he was late but he knew he had to find a way to get to her in spite of the fact that he was still angry himself. And knowing that if he was still angry then Parker must have been furious. He took a vow not to get into fight with her again but knew that he wasn't going to humble himself just to avoid the clash with her. She had to learn that he didn't belong to the people who let her oppress them like one of her enemies. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and slowly got out of bed to get himself ready to work.  
  
The Centre Main lobby  
  
Slowly walking in the direction of the sim lab, Sydney prepared to face Parker. He was calm because he decided to let her take the first step. He wasn't going to apologize but he -as a psychiatrist with self-control- intended to try and keep their upcoming conversations in a low manner -if Parker was going to talk to him at all. Shaking his head, he let out sigh. All of a sudden Broots appeared in front of him and stumbled into his old friend.  
  
"Oh Sydney! I'm so-sorry!" He said, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Are you okey, Broots?" He asked, his brows furrowed.  
  
"Ye-yes, sure! Actually I was looking for you!" Judging by his expression, Sydney knew it had something to do with their boss.  
  
"Let me guess! Miss.Parker?" Broots nodded nervously and Sydney look at him with sympathy.  
  
"She left half an hour ago! She wants us to join her in Dover! She.uhm she didn't wait for you so she left. Alone!" Sydney nodded. He knew that Parker wasn't a patient woman but he had a feeling that if they hadn't had that argument, she would have waited for him to arrive because if they had a lead on Jarod in Dover then he must be long gone. Jarod was more careful than letting the Centre have any lead on him when he was so near. And Parker knew that. Letting out a sigh again, he turned to Broots.  
  
"Let's go then! We don't want her to get angry, do we?" He asked and slowly walked away.  
  
Dover, Delaware 30 minutes later  
  
A frown appeared on both Broots' and Sydney's face as they got out of the car. They had been told that Parker left with Sam and ordered the other sweeper from her team to bring them there when he arrived. And now they were there, in Dover, in the uptown. He felt Broots standing close behind him. The scene before them was a bit bothering. They were in an alley that had -even in the morning -a dark effect. Suddenly they spotted Parker making her way toward them with strict, fast steps. Judgying by her expression, she wasn't in a nice mood. They watched as she slightly turned her head and talked to Sam. He nodded and left her side, waving at the two other sweepers who came out of their hiding places.  
  
"We're out of here!" They heared as she said to the sweepers, only several steps from the tech and the old man.  
  
All of a sudden they heared a loud bump and as Sydney raised his head he saw a man roughly open a heavy door on the upstairs on one of the alley's sides. Then he felt the air freeze around them as he watched the scene. Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion as the man raised the rifle in his hand, aimed and shot. Sam was the first to react and as soon as the man fired, a hole appeared in between his eyes and he fell down from the stairs, lifeless.  
  
Sydney turned to Parker and saw a distant look in her eyes. The whole world stopped existing for him as he spread his arms and took a step toward her. He just stared into her eyes with panic. He remember when he felt this way the last time. It was decades ago in Dachau. He tried to speak to her but he just couldn't. He watched as her eyes slowly closed and she fell. The next thing he felt was her light body in his arms. He tried to mutter a silent 'no' but he still couldn't. He felt Broots standing frozen in place as he kneeled down, lowering Parker as well. From one second to the other he felt her weight go even lighter. And it was strange. It was like feeling the life slipping out of her and for a moment he just held her close.  
  
"Parker!" He finally managed to whisper and lowered her even more to look at her. But she didn't hear him. Her eyes were closed and as he lifted her to get her more comfortable and caught sight of his palm he knew it. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to acknowledge it. His hand was covered with blood. With her blood and most of all.dark blood. Broots watched as his old friend raised his blood covered, shaking hand and slowly touched her neck. He wasn't a doctor but knew what he was looking for. Almost half minute passed but Sydney still waited, Parker in his arms, his fingertips gently against the skin of her neck. Broots chocked back a gasp and slowly shook his head, whispering a barely audible 'no'.  
  
The old man finally raised his head and looked straight into Broots' eyes. The tech didn't say a word, just slowly fell to his knees, covering his face with his palms. Sydney lowered his head, looking down at the woman in his arms. There wasn't any pain on her face, she seemed just sleeping. But the bloodstain under them was getting bigger and bigger and he couldn't do anything. He was helpless. He tried to talk to her, even tried to shout at her to wake up but nothing came out of his mouth. He knew the blood must have ruined her long, white coat but it didn't matter now. She looked liked an Angel. A sleeping angel. He saw Sam stepping in front of him and he could have bet he talked to him but he simply didn't understand what he said. But he didn't even care. Almost ten minutes must have passed when he reacted again. He stared at her face for a moment before he collected all his strenght. He ran a hand down in her hair before he slipped his other arm under her knee and lifted her up. He saw the surprise on Sam's face. He wasn't young anymore but he could easily lift her up without effort. Without a word he stared at Parker's sweeper who nodded after several seconds. Sydney knew that Broots watched as Sam opened the car door for them and he slipped inside with her.  
  
Blue Cove Cemetery Sunday afternoon  
  
Standing straight among the people in front of her coffin, Sydney remained calm. They didn't see but he had taken a good look at everyone. It was one of his specialties. Being watchful even when he didn't seem to take any notice. The coffin was white, the perfect fit for her, he thought. She may have been stubborn, the Ice Queen, hard on people but inside she was an angel. And he dared to believe that God needed an angel next to him because he took her. It was ironic but everyone who attended the funeral had feelings for her. Either ways. There were only Centre employees around but -what gave him and probably would have given her the big satisfaction was that- she had more friends then she could have thought. Her secretary, her sweeper-team, Sam, who looked worn-out, assistents and. her 'family'. He would have never thought but Lyle seemed to be touched. In fact he was shaken by the events but Sydney knew that he or Raines wasn't her real relatives. Genetically maybe but. in heart it was Broots, Debbie and. himself.  
  
Sydney glanced down at Debbie who stood between him and his father. She was on the verge of crying and saw as her hand shook in Broots' but he wasn't sure that it was only hers that trembled. He gently bent down and took a hold of her other hand too. Sydney watched as she raised her head and looked at him with eyes full of tears. He tried to smile reassuringly but failed. She reminded her of the woman that they were just about to bury. The big, desperate eyes full of fear and sadness seemed to haunt him through all his life. He raised his head and just stared at the coffin again.  
  
Even Raines was there. He seemed more angry than sad. It was obvious he had plans for Parker in his own mind but four days ago his long planned intentions broke into pieces.  
  
But one person did miss. One person that he figured must have been hit a lot harder than anyone else in the world. Sydney was sure he was nearby, silently watching from a distance. Just like always.  
  
His mind drifted back to that Wednesday. He remembered arriving back to the Centre, then seeing Lyle's shocked face. then Raines. Sydney didn't leave her side even for a minute. But Broots neither. They both just remained in the room in Renewal Wing, staring at her lying form. She was -once in her life- totally still and calm. But he rememberred as well the knot that formed in the pit of his stomatch because he knew Jarod was going to call. And he had no idea what to tell him.  
  
But the time came and he couldn't avoid talking to him. He was finally back in his office, staring at his bloody hands and clothes. The ringing of his phone startled him and not caring with it, he picked it up, the receiver sticking to his palm.  
  
"Jarod?" He remeberred asking.  
  
"Maybe I'm not the only genius!" His protege joked but he didn't laugh or smile this time.  
  
"Maybe!" He replied.  
  
"You sound.so strange, Sydney! Did something happen?" Jarod asked seriously.  
  
"Yes, Jarod, something happened!"  
  
He was brought back to reality when he saw the people around him slowly slip away. The priest had left, and after the last honour at her coffin they slowly walked away. Debbie's hold on his hand got tighter and the images of Catherine Parker's funeral flooded into his mind. He couldn't save that little girl whose only comfort on that day was his firm grip on her hand. Trying to regain his composure, he took a deep breath.  
  
Broots finally turned to him with deep red eyes. His daughter was already crying, she wasn't so strong yet as they were however he wasn't sure they were going to be able to take it. He nodded at his younger friend, neither of them able to speak. Debbie let go of the psychiatrist's hand without resist and followed her father. They stopped in front of the white casket and the young girl placed a single white rose on top of it. She was silent but her cheeks were wet from her tears and she was shaking. Broots suppressed his own tears as he gently caressed her head before he threw a last look at Sydney and walked away with Debbie.  
  
Sydney didn't know how long had he been standing there without moving but after some time he collected all his strenght and stepped forward. Placing a hand on top of the coffin, he ran his hand along the side of it. Everything was white. The coffin, the flowers, the ribbons. He couldn't stop blaming himself.  
  
"Do you think, Parker, that you're the only one who had wounds?" He remembered himself half-shouting when he lost his control the last time they actually talked. "You say I hide things from you? You do the same! Don't expect me or Broots tell you anything when you're full of secrets yourself!"  
  
"Oh, great! Now comes I'm-the-rude-you're-the-victim!" She bit back, the rage evident in her voice.  
  
"You're not the only one who lost your mother! And you're not the only one who lost loved-ones!" He knew he hit a nerve with this one and he wished he could have taken those words back. "Life has been hard on you but you're not the only one!" He said, slamming his fist down on top of the table.  
  
"I'm sorry!" He whispered, quickly blinking away the tears. "I was wrong, Parker, I was wrong!" He said, closing his eyes as he leant his head on top of his hand on the coffin. The last time when he felt that pain was when Jacob died. It was Parker who comforted him then but this time he was mourning her. And it wasn't only similar to losing a family-member. He had lost another family member indeed.  
  
He finally straightened up again and placed a kiss with his hand on the casket and stepped back. He knew he had to give someone else some time with her alone as well. It wasn't their time yet to talk about it. First his protege had to say good-bye. With his hands in his pockets, he turned around and left.  
  
The Centre Tuesday Miss.Parker's office  
  
Sydney silently stood in front of her desk, staring at her chair and a memory attacked him. He had just regained his eyesight and stepped in. She was sitting at her desk, nonchalantly scribbling something. He came to warn her about her father's and Lyle's arrival but she was more interested in him when he told her that he could see again. That genuine smile on her face burned into his mind forever. Suddenly the vision of her disappeared and the emtpy chair took her place. The smile at the memory left his face and he slowly made his way around the desk.  
  
He discussed with Broots that he was going to pack her belongings. He talked about it with Lyle and he tried to pretend not to care with her things but he behaved unusual. He wasn't rude, no. He tried to avoid every topic about her. Raines told life went on but Sydney wasn't sure how exactly he meant that. But he didn't want to think of it. He didn't give a damn about the Centre. about their interests. He lost someone who was much more than an employee for him.  
  
Slowly lowering himself down into her seat, he placed his arms on top of the table. The photos of her, her mother and Mr.Parker brought back the feeling of her. Everything was in order, no one touched her desk since. since it happened. Everything suggested that she could be back at any minute, ready to work. But he knew she wouldn't come. Looking up he remembered how many things had happened in that office. How many times he tried to comfort her, how many times did they felt some kind of safe and. privacy there. It was the spot of weak moments, angry outbrusts or when she prepared to shoot Raines. And it was the spot of their biggest and. last argument.  
  
"Yes, you are right, I'm not the only one, Sydney!" She growled back angrily. "But at least I don't go and disturb you with annoying fake attempts to talk about your so-called wounds!" She hissed and for the first time in his life he had seen hatred in her eyes. Hatred against him. And that was when he realized that he did the only thing that he always tried to avoid. He hurt her. "I don't want to stir up the pain and try and make you open up just to satisfy myself with the pride of making another patient for myself! I'm not a fucking weak-minded, shattered-souled wreck Sydney but you're trying to make me believe that!"  
  
"That's not true and you know that! I never said any."  
  
"You don't have to *say* it! You lost your godammit Lab Rat and now you need something to be occupied with! You are hurt because Jarod found his father and he doesn't turn to you as often as before! You are selfish and jealous because *he* moved on! Don't think I'm blind enough not to see what he means to you! But you know what? You failed, Sydney! You missed your chance because you rejected him when he reached out for you! But your regret is late! You can't make it up for him by keeping me back in the hunt! He knows he has a family and for once in my life I really can't blame him for trying to reach something that seems more available than you! It's so incredibly hard to decide when you say the truth and when you lie that no one's sure about you. And you. are. alone." She said, her last sentence sliding into his soul like a knife.  
  
He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. Since last Wednesday this whole scene had been playing over and over again in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking of it. That was the last time he talked to her. And -of course- this place was also the spot of her suffering as well.  
  
She came back day by day, facing her demons. Her 'father' had a reason why he called her Angel, he had to agree on that one. She was like a lost angel in the world of the darkness and shadows, facing many many cruel and horrible things through her short life.  
  
He slammed his fist down on top of the desk. He was so angry. He was angry at himself, he was angry at Parker and he was angry at the whole world. It would have been much. easier if he could have blamed anyone. Anyone, especially the Centre. But -as it came out- that man who shot wasn't Centre related at all. He was just an insane, wanted patient who escaped from the psychiatry. An insane who believed the sweeper-team was the u.s. army, trying to kill him because he discovered aliens did exists, in fact he communicated with them. The shot was an accident. nothing more.  
  
And he wished he could have said sorry. He regretted every single word he told her the last time because -surprising himself- he talked from anger. But it wasn't the average case when someone let out what he thought. No. He said foolish things because he wanted to hit back. He wanted to hit back for every single word that she said because they were true. Everything she threw at him was.true.  
  
The door opened up and he caught sight of Broots. He cleared his throat as he slowly walked inside with a packge in his hand. He stopped in front of the desk and for a moment they just stared at each other. It was like. standing in a holy place, afraid that if they broke the silence, her presence would disappear. Sydney put on his usual façade and raised his head higher.  
  
"Tell me Broots!" He said in a gentle tone.  
  
"I.uh.they.brought this up from.from the Renewal Wing!" He said in a whisper.  
  
Sydney noticed the change in his attitude in the last few days. He was mourning. It hit him very hard. He wasn't scared of Lyle anymore but he didn't provokate anyone of course. He didn't even talk. He just sat at his computer, silently doing his job. He noticed that he still often glanced at the direction of the door as if he had been waiting for someone. It was obvious that he was tired, he couldn't leave the problems at work. Because the same feeling welcomed him at home when he went to his daughter. Together with Debbie, there were two people who missed her.  
  
Sydney reached out a hand and took the package from him, after uttering a silent 'thank you'. Broots nodded as response and was just about to turn around when he caught sight of the photos. The old man watched as his younger colleague picked up the photo of Miss.Parker and Mr.Parker. He stared at it for long moments before he spoke, his voice barely audible.  
  
"They didn't know who she was! And they never will!" With that he placed it back to it's place and with his head cast to the floor walked out.  
  
There was nothing for Sydney to reply. It was true. And it was just too hard to say anything. It was incredibly hard to be in her office but her absence was the same unbearable and he needed a place where he could still feel her. And one was her office. He glanced down at the small bag in his hand. With a frown he opened it and emptied it's content on the top of the table.  
  
His hands started to tremble a bit and he had troubles with his tears. He just dumbly stared at the items in front of him. With a sigh he picked up one of them. Her Smith & Wesson. 9mm. One thing that she never left behind. Her best friend. A dry chuckle escaped his lips at his thought. A gun, a lethal weapon was her best friend when she could have had others. Others who were in front of her. He just wished she knew that she wasn't really alone. He placed the gun back to the bag. He noticed her necklace and earrings as well and dropped them back as well. Only one item remained on the desk. He closed the package, picked up the small thing and took it into his pocket.  
  
He was going to have time to gather her belongings. Later. It had to wait. First he needed to talk to her. His soul couldn't take it any longer. He had plently of time to put her things away when he was going to return. Leaving the bag on the desk, he picked up the photo of Catherine Parker and her beloved baby-girl and walked out.  
  
To be continued. 


	2. Angels and Demons 02

Blue Cove Cemetery Afternoon  
  
Sydney pulled his coat tighter around him, the weather was quite chilly. He stopped in front of the grave. Taking a deep breath from the fresh air, he glanced down at the epitaph. He still couldn't believe it. But her ongoing absence already had its affect. He started to feel the hurt and sadness even more. The shock of the first days were wearing off and the only thing that remained was the mere fact.  
  
"The relationship of Jarod and me is not your business! And as for trying to make you my patient.it's just your imaginary, Parker! You are hopeless! I tried everything just to help you! You are killing yourself for God's sake! I only tried to make you see that you can't go on like this because in the long run it's lethal! But you just push everyone away and to tell you the truth that's why you don't have friends! You deserve to be treated the way they do because of your behaviour!" He said and he just couldn't grasp how the hell could he say something like that, however he knew in that exact moment that Parker misunderstood what he said. He tried to tell her that people wasn't nice to her after snapping and growling at them the way she usually did but as it slipped out of his mouth he knew it could be meant in another way too. And she did understand it in the other way. He will never forget the way she looked at him after that moment. It was like breaking everything that he had built up, into million pieces. It was like burning up the road that he had built up toward her.  
  
"Yes, you are right!" She said after the shock. "But as you said.I'm not the only one!" She said.  
  
"Parker!" He said, calm this time. "I don't want to fight with you! The last thing I want is to hurt you!"  
  
"You can't hurt me! Enemies can't hurt me! Only friends and loved ones! It's a fortune you're neither of them!" She hissed, obviously in rage. Sydney knew she didn't mean it because if he really couldn't have hurt her, than she wouldn't have been so shaken by his words.  
  
"I was wrong, Parker!" He whispered, staring at the gravestone. "You weren't hopeless! I can't believe I said such a pathetic thing.I'm. you were right! The fact was you were right! I lied to you and kept so important informations from you but. believe me I just wanted to protect you. And see? I failed! In fact it was. my fault that you. that you're gone!" He said, finally kneeling down in front of the cold stone. "It was my fault!" Sydney lowered his head, his grief getting more painful.  
  
"It was the Centre's fault!" Came the deep male voice behind him. The old man didn't need to turn around to know who it was. He raised his head and stared at the gloomy, grey sky.  
  
"I'm sorry, Catherine!" Sydney said, talking to the dark clouds. "I promised but I failed!" He felt his protege silently step up next to him before he spoke.  
  
"I couldn't stop thinking of Catherine Parker in the. last couple of days!" He said in an unusually weak voice. Sydney stood up and stared at the grave.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What do you think would have happened if. if she could have.managed to free us?" It took him some time to consider his question before he replied.  
  
"A lot of things would have happened differently. You would have grown up as a normal child, you wouldn't have lost your brother. Miss.Parker would have grown into a lovely woman, full of compassion just like her mother."  
  
"And she wouldn't be dead, now!"  
  
"And she wouldn't be dead, now. probably!" Sydney repeated. They stood there in silent for a long moment, neither of them talking but both of them remembering and thinking of her. The wind started to blow and the chill hit Sydney's face once again. He stared into distance in front of him, for the first time in his life not knowing what to say.  
  
"I can't decide which would have been better!" He heared Jarod say.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked, frowning.  
  
"If Catherine Parker could have managed to get us out or. the way everything happened. In one minute I wish she could have because then Parker would still be alive but then I realize then we probably wouldn't even know her. We wouldn't know how.individual she actually was. But in the next minute I wish that because. it wouldn't hurt so much now!"  
  
Sydney finally looked at him and his heart sunk. He was unshaven, dark circles under his eyes. He was visibly tired and worn-out. After all those horrible things, he had to suffer even more and Sydney knew this time it was one of the worst events in his life. But he didn't know what to reply to him but thankfully he didn't have to because Jarod went on.  
  
"I'm so envious of the believers!" He said, crouching down in front of the grave. "Im envious of them because they do believe that their beloved ones are still watching them from heaven. That they are still around and they have faith in life. They have the view of life that everything happens on a purpose.because God wants it that way. And that God is kind and full of love. But I don't believe that Sydney, I can't believe in that! I can't see what purpose God has with Raines, Lyle and the Centre!" He said angrily. "And I can't understand why he took her!"  
  
"Jarod..."  
  
"It's all the Centre's fault! They may have not been the ones who pulled the trigger but. she is another one of their victims! But she didn't deserve it, Sydney!" He said. "She didn't!" Sydney didn't see but he was sure that the tears were already flowing down his cheeks.  
  
"We are all sinners! We've said and done many things in our lives just like her but I agree with you!" Sydney said silently. "She just. tried to survive from day to day, doing whatever she had to but always careful not to go too far. And I was so wrong! But she was right! My regret is too late now!" Jarod looked up as he watched his mentor talking.  
  
"What do you mean?" A small, dry chuckle escaped his lips again as he lowered his head and took a step aside.  
  
"The last time I talked to her. we had an argument!"  
  
"Sydney, it's."  
  
"Don't tell me it happened often and that she knew she could count on me!" He said a bit angrily. "It was an ugly argument, ending up with shoutings and angry, very angry outbrusts. Both of us trying to hit each other's weak points! And I wish I could say sorry! Or at least I could say forget about it or simply do so! Just forget about it, knowing that she regretted her words as well."  
  
"I'm sure she did!" Jarod said gently.  
  
"I know!" Sydney replied. "But she's not here! I wish she was here to hurt me again, I wouldn't care!" He said, looking at Jarod with wide eyes. "I wish she was here! I wouldn't care if she hated me or loathed me!"  
  
"I know what you feel!" Jarod replied. "I still wake up at two a.m.s to call her and torment her, just to hear her voice but that's when I realize that. I can't because. because."  
  
"Because she's dead!" Sydney finished when he saw that Jarod had problems with controlling himself. And he said it. It was the first time when he said it out loud and it was so strange. And it hurt. His protege just nodded as response. "It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, not being able to wake up. I remember the last time I left her." He said as he rememberred the end of their argument.  
  
"Denial! You tell me I lie when I know you don't tell the truth!" Sydney hit back, visibly upset. "What am I then, your enemy?"  
  
"Oh you're on good way to that!" She shouted back. Broots had been standing there in dread, watching the two of them shouting at each other, frozen in place. "Get the hell out of here, Sydney! I'm fed up with you! I don't want to see you today again because I've had enough! Go and decide if you want to catch your prodigy or not because it's time for you to decide which side you're at!" She shouted in rage. Sydney opened his mouth to reply but thought better than that and simply turned around, walked out and shut the door at her.  
  
"Ten minutes later I was ready to go home!" Sydney told. "Before I left, Broots told me she was very upset that I simply walked out and that she was furious but I was angry myself! Poor Broots had to witness our whole scene, watching us shouting at each other. He told me she wasn't only angry but. he told me that he could see that it had an affect on her which couldn't have been proven better than by the fact that. *she* told Broots that she may not have said several things!" The old man said, defeated. "But I left because I thought we both needed time. I knew we had to talk about it later but I didn't think it was the perfect chance. I thought we were going to have plenty of time to make it up and I just went home because. she made me angry so much that I didn't even want go back." A small, sardonic smile appeared on his face. "I didn't know there wasn't next time!" Jarod placed a hand on his shoulder and Sydney patted it. He couldn't stop admire his young protege. He had been through so much and he wasn't dealing with Parker's death well himself but he still tried to comfort him. "It's time to gather her belongings at her home. Lyle doesn't want to do it so. I'm going to her place after I.I'm finished here!" Jarod nodded at him. "Just in case you. want something from her!" He said, turning his attention back to the grave.  
  
Sydney felt his hand leaving his shoulder and after several seconds he knew he was alone with her again. He took a breath again and smiled at the grave.  
  
"I'll never forget you, Parker! And I don't want to forget you!" He said as he slowly reached into his pocket. He took out an item from his inner pocket. After placing it to his lips, he kissed it and placed it on the top of her grave."Sleep well, my child!" He said aloud, his voice breaking away with the emotions. Sydney turned around and walked away, leaving the cold, stone-reminder of the woman ha had always loved as a daughter. The photo of Catherine Parker and her daughter stood on top of the grave-stone, not giving into the hard wind that started to blow harder minute by minute. The Cemetery was covered with silence, the weather and the environment reflected the loss of a very special person. The world was wrong because someone important was missing. And she wasn't coming back.  
  
Blue Cove Miss.Parker's residence Night  
  
Closing the door behind him, Sydney slowly walked inside the living room. The moonlight came in through the windows, giving him some light to see. Everything was silent. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. Everything smelled like her and everything felt like her. The whole house was her and he felt like stepping into her soul. And it gave some kind comfort because every single item reminded him of her and it was good. But it hurt too. Because it reminded him of the fact as well that she wouldn't come back.  
  
"I've been here so many times but. this time it's just so. weird!" Came Jarod's voice. Turning his head, Sydney caught sight of him, sitting on the couch, the moonlight illuminating the half of his face. He held a photo in his hands. The old man slowly walked to the window, passing the couch on his way.  
  
This house was her refuge, he thought. She could feel her mother there and now they were finally together somewhere! "She's with her loved ones now!" Was all that Sydney said out loud. He knew Jarod had already had the same thoughts. His words sounded incredibly surreal for him but it gave comfort.  
  
"That's not fair, Sydney! There are more people here who cared for her than. in death!" The old man turned his head to look at him but couldn't reply. "Call me selfish but there were more people among the living who needed her!" Jarod said, his voice full of anger and pain.  
  
Life isn't that easy, Sydney thought. "Things don't always happen the way we want it!" He said, trying to sound clever. Trying to sound like himself, always calm, always having an answer. But the fact was that he was confused himself because he had no idea how were they to go on without her.  
  
Jarod didn't response, just raised up the photograph of her and Mr.Parker. She never let anyone comfort her, she trusted only her.father, Sydney thought. She let her old colleague close only once, she shared the depth of her pain with him one single time and he would never forget it. He knew he was never going to forget that short talk that he had with her on the first anniversary of Thomas' death. However she did comfort him when Jacob died, she never let him hold her. Just once. when she couldn't protest anymore.  
  
He woke up every night, reliving the moment when she collapsed into him. Her skin was so soft and she was just as beautiful as her mother ever was. The image of her face burned into his mind forever. She did look like an angel and he will keep her in his memory like that.  
  
"She had to face so many demons!" Jarod said, surprising Sydney because he sounded like his own thoughts. The psychiatrist just nodded as response. He had always wished this time wouldn't come. He always thought he would be the first one to leave his protege and his 'daughter' alone in this world and he didn't even dare to think of loosing either of them. And it happened. And he didn't want to accept it.  
  
"But they could never strike her down!" He replied, staring out through the window. He felt movement behind him and saw from the corner of his eyes as Jarod stepped up next to him. He reached out a hand and handed him the photo. Sydney took it and glanced up at him. He was concerned for him. Jarod was more than clever but he was in a bad shape and he was afraid for him because being near the Centre was dangerous for him. Staring into his eyes he saw hurt, anger and pain. They younger man's eyes reflected his own soul. But he looked like a walking dead. For a long minute they just stared at each other before Jarod patted him on the shoulder. He slowly stepped away but turned back.  
  
"Are you going to keep something from her?" Sydney just nodded, he didn't trust his own voice. As he turned to him after almost a minute he noticed he was already gone. He turned back and stared into the empty room.  
  
Parker appeared in front of him, with her power-suit on, her look full of confidence. A smile appeared on her face and he remembered one morning when they were standing in the main lobby of the Centre, Parker holding a cup in her hands. "Sydney, you made me funny!" She had said. A smile appeared on his face too, rememberring how many times was he amused at her remarks.  
  
When he told Lyle that he will go through her belongings, he didn't think it was going to be so hard. He didn't have the heart to move anything because it was hers and somwhere deep down he still hoped she will come home. Once. Suddenly his mind wandered along and he shrugged. This house was cursed. Everyone who lived here -even if only for a short time-had a horrible fate. Catherine Parker, Mr.Parker, Thomas. and now Miss.Parker. Jarod was right. It was the Centre's fault. The Centre's and his own. If only he had tried to convince her more to leave. He couldn't believe he was so foolish to remain quiet when she stayed in the Centre after her lover's death. It was so damn obvious what happened but he was still weak to act. He just hoped she would forgive him once.  
  
But everything was late now. His regret was way too late. The silence was getting unbearable and he spotted a small radio on top of the fireplace, next to the pictures. He knew he had to go through some of her stuff but didn't feel like doing it in silence. He walked up to it and turned it on before he collected the photographs from the small shelf.  
  
Blue Cove Miss.Parker's residence Half-hour later  
  
Sydney ran down a finger on one of the pictures. He started to get through several things half an hour ago but actually he didn't do anything, exept staring at the many photographs he had found. He had no idea she kept so many. A new music started on the radio as he opened another box of her relics.  
  
Playground school bell rings again  
  
Rain clouds come to play again Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
  
There was no need to tell him, he thought. He saw her with his own eyes. He heared the thunder outside and with a quick glance he saw and even heared as the heavy raindrops fell loudly against the window. The sky was crying. he wasn't alone in his grief.  
  
Hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
  
Hello.  
  
He took out a new picture that he hadn't seen before. It was a black and white photo of a young Miss.Parker, standing next to her father. She was so small and vulnerable, her eyes haunted and cried out. The dark dress on her reminded him when it was taken. Just after Catherine Parker's funeral.  
  
If i smile and don't believe  
  
Soon i know i'll wake from this dream  
  
Dreams, he thought as he heared the music. What would have he given if it was just a dream. He had seen so many smiles on her face but had never noticed a true one. And he was sad because he lost the chance to see one. Ever.  
  
Don't try to fix me i'm not broken  
  
Hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
  
Don't cry  
  
Sydney noticed his hands were shaking and felt a tight lump appear in his throat. He tried with all his might to fight back the sob. He didn't know why was he sad, why did he feel so miserable. Was it for her, knowing that she lost the chance for a normal life, or maybe it was for hismelf because he lost the chance to make up everything that he had done to her.  
  
Suddenly i know i'm not sleeping  
  
Hello i'm still here  
  
All that's left of yesterday  
  
He stared into distance as the lyrics sunk in and he saw her again. She was standing in front of him with her usual superior look on her face. "You were such a happy little girl! What happened to you?" "I grew up Sydney.So should you!" But all of a sudden she disappeared and all that left was the dark, empty living room. He glanced down at another photo of her and couldn't hold back any longer. Burying his face into his palms, he sobbed. He was alone, he didn't have to keep himself longer. And he didn't even want to. Because he lost her.  
  
Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Later that night  
  
Peeling the wet coat off his shoulders, Sydney closed the door behind him. The rain was pretty bad, it took him a lot more to get home from her house than usually. After hanging it up on the coat-stand, he walked inside and sat down in his own living room. He placed Parker's house-keys onto the coffee table in front of him and closed his eyes.  
  
He remembered that it always seemed to go that we dont know what we've got until it was gone. He should have known better than take her for granted. Mostly in the Centre. He wished he could have seen her again. All he wanted was to know that she was with him again, even if she was angry or furious with him but he so desperately wanted her to live.  
  
"I miss the days, when the people I couldn´t trust were the people I couldn´t trust!"  
  
"Make up your mind Sydney! Be a scientist or a mommy-you can´t be both!"  
  
"Do you think my revenge is misguided?" "If you have to ask you are answering your own your question." "No, defence Syd, you can´t see it from where I stand!"  
  
He rememberred her sentences. He was the psychiatrist but she so often was right. In so many things. She was so clever, quick-witted and smart and he still couldn't believe how could she stay at the Centre when that place had destroyed not only her but her family and loved ones as well. The image of his bloody hands and the huge dark bloodstain on her coat when she died flashed into his mind. Like the blood her white coat, the Centre ruined *her* the same way. They tried to take her soul too but she always managed to stay an individual, not giving into them.  
  
And she was dead. Today was the first time he had said it. The first time he had acknowledged it because the pain and grief was bigger than before. This was something that time couldn't erase. Ever. He reached into his pocket and took out the same item he had found in the pocket that Broots brought him earlier that day. He closed his fingers around it in a tight grip, feeling as his fingertips pressed it into his palm.  
  
He was exhausted both physically and mentally. He knew he needed some rest, he needed to sleep to clear his head- if he was able to sleep at all. He either couldn't fall asleep or nightmares kept on haunting him all the time. Pushing himself up from the couch, he made his way to the bathroom to prepare and go to bed.  
  
Fourty minutes later Sydney stood at the window, staring outside, watching the heavy rain. With a sigh, he turned around and slipped inside his bed, tugging himself in with the covers. He had that small item in his hand again and for a moment he just stared at it. After several seconds he gripped it again, brought it up to his mouth to place a kiss on it. He decided to keep this. He really didn't need any material thing to remind him of her but this one particular thing was. a part of her. Her silver ring, that she used to wear on her index-finger all the time, was dear for him. He decided to keep that for the rest of his life as keeping a part of her. Reluctantly placing it on the nightstand, he turned off the lights and went to sleep.  
  
Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Wednesday morning  
  
Sydney awoke with a start and sat up to turn off the alarm. He was so deep in his dreams that it took him almost two minutes to hear the loud whistling. 6.46 am. It was early but he knew he couldn't be late that morning because. suddenly he rememberred that there wasn't anyone to rip his head off for being late any more -only maybe Lyle but he didn't really give a damn about him. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and slowly got out of bed to get himself ready to work.  
  
It took him only half an hour and he was ready. It was so horrible but it was already a 'dark day'. One week had passed since she was gone. He didn't feel like going in that day. He didn't even feel like leaving the house at all but he had to. He was concerned for Jarod and the only place where he could protect him was the Centre. Glancing at the nightstand, he frowned. He could have bet that he placed Parker's silver ring there but it was nowhere to be found. He patted his pockets before he reached into them but they were empty. He walked to the small table and looked around but he couldn't find it. It may have fallen down and may have rolled under the bed, he thought. First he considered crawling after it but he knew it must have been there somewhere. He was going to find it after work, he thought. He didn't have time, had to go.  
  
The Centre Main lobby  
  
Slowly walking in the direction of the sim lab, Sydney slowly prepared for the day. He was calm because he knew he had an aim but knew that without it, he wouldn't have been able to go back there. Lyle took Parker's place in the team and he knew that the insane man was capable of anything. Shaking his head, he let out sigh. All of a sudden Broots appeared in front of him and stumbled into his old friend.  
  
"Oh Sydney! I'm so-sorry!" He said, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Are you okey, Broots?" He asked, his brows furrowed.  
  
"Ye-yes, sure! Actually I was looking for you!" Judging by his expression, Sydney knew something changed. He seemed too different. He didn't look tired at all and he was in a much better shape than yesterday. But it was too weird. He couldn't change that much from one day to another. Broots saw the confused look on his face as his old friend stared at him in a strange way.  
  
"What can I help you?" Sydney said, eyeing him carefully.  
  
"Erm. well actually it's not me that you can help but." Broots watched as Sydney's expression suddenly turned. He didn't know what he saw on his face but it was weird. Without a word the old man brushed past him, leaving him standing there with open mouth, ready to speak. His brows furrowed, Broots immediately followed him.  
  
The Centre Miss.Parker's office  
  
Sydney was just about to enter when he bumped into Lyle. The old man was in a hurry and didn't really give a damn what he thought but Lyle's behaviour caught his attention.  
  
"Hey, slow down Sydney! You may kill someone!" The younger man said, his brows furrowed angrily. He was different too and the fact that he just came out of Parker's office raised his suspicions. It was so strange. The sudden change in everyone's behaviour.  
  
"I'm sorry!" He said but even Broots -who had been closely following him- knew that he didn't mean it. As Sydney turned he saw as Lyle starightened his suit and walked away. The psychiatrist burst into the office, opening the two doors at the same time in the process. The tech just slipped in after him before the doors closed behind him.  
  
Sydney just stood there without a word for a minute. Broots clutched the file that he had been holding tighter to his chest, waiting what will happen next. After a second Sydney folded his arms in front of his chest and raised his head, picking up his usual posture. Everything fell into place and he knew why he didn't find the ring that morning.  
  
Parker just raised an eyebrow as she stared at him. She was half turned to her desk but she held Sydney's gaze. Broots felt that the tension of yesterday totally disappeared -at least from Sydney's side- but the situation was still awkward. Miss.Parker finally -fully- turned to him, crossing her arms as well as she raised her chin, ready to fight again if it was needed.  
  
"Uhm.I-I think i-it's be-better if I-I g-go." Broots finally muttered after clearing his throat but Parker's voice cut him off as he was about to turn.  
  
"Stay!" She ordered and walked up to Sydney. "Look who we have here!" She sneered as she gazed into his eyes. "It seems our Frankenstein decided to take part in the hunt! Or are you here to tell me that." But Sydney's laugh startled her and she dangerously raised both of her eyebrows. He sounded so relieved and she didn't understand a thing but one thing was sure. He was laughing at her and she didn't like it.  
  
Broots watched -and knew that Sydney was aware of the fact too, that- she was ready to explode when Sydney suddenly grabbed her. Reaching up both of his hands, he slid his fingers into her hair under her ears, placing his thumbs at the both side of her face and pulled her close. The tech watched with horror as he placed a kiss on her forehead before he gently stroked the right side of her face just beside her ear with one thumb. After that he stepped back and breaking the eye contact, he turned around and left, obviously in a very very good mood. Parker was so stunned that she couldn't speak -but so was Broots. He opened his mouth to say something but they just stared at each other with her -incredibly confused. Parker shrugged and Broots pulled up his shoulders once, slowly. He quickly placed the file down in her desk and left, leaving Parker still standing at the same spot, gently caressing the spot where Sydney did before.  
  
Closing the door behind him, Broots couldn't keep back the smile from his face. He saw as Sydney walked across the lobby, greeting everyone in his way and he just shook his head. This man was incredible.  
  
Sydney didn't know when he was that relieved the last time but it was sure he didn't want to live it through again what happened before, however it was helpful in one thing. He had a horrible nightmare with angels and demons but it made him see that he couldn't take her for granted and if *she* was that stubborn than at least he had to be careful not to destroy everything that they had built up together. He knew this action spoke for itself and that it was better than any words that he could have told her but he was sure that they still had an agenda to solve. And *he* intended to remind her of that. But now he just wanted to enjoy the knowledge that she was in her office, that they had an argument and that he had five minutes before she strode into his office, demanding an explanation.for their quarell yesterday.  
  
The End 


End file.
